I showered. Even applied a light lipstick. Today is a day with client appointments. Therapy or as I call it, consultations. I was at my desk when I received word that my first client fell ill and needs to set a new time. All morning I’ve struggled with feelings that I am not using my time wisely during this shelter in place situation of now 5 weeks today. Up until now I have given myself a pass. Yes, not sleeping. Yes, baking a new dessert every week. Yes, cooking more meals than I care to think about. Yes, ordering groceries on line, wiping everything down before I bring in the house. Yes, making gardens suitable for fairy visits. Yes, re-subscribing to the Sunday New York Times and The New Yorker. Yes, walking 3-4 miles at least every other day. Yes, soaking Morning Glory seeds. Yes, writing a long poem with two other people on Instagram. Yes, checking in with my children most days. Texting the grandkids. and at my son’s suggestion, organizing a family zoom with my 4 brothers and their children: California, Seattle, Outer Banks of North Carolina, Key West, and Virginia. Yes, walking the dog, walking the labyrinth I built in the front yard a few weeks ago.. Yes, yoga home practice. Yes, offering yoga nidra via zoom two times a week. Yes, still paying rent on an office I am not using. Yes, letting my hair turn what ever color, wearing comfortable clothes 24/7. Yes, making a list on how to be more productive: courses I need to design and offer, learning how to use media more effectively and creatively. Yes, struggling with technical problems. Like right now the screen on my old iPad is frozen. A few weeks ago I was locked out of my computer and this blog. Yes, I ordered a new computer online. It arrives in several days and I will need to load programs and transfer data. And all the while the many deaths are haunting… this fact of family members dying alone. Virtual funerals. Mass burials. And the doctors and nurses, researchers, mail carriers, grocery stockers and workers, teachers, housekeeping departments in care facilities. People with little or no income. Hungry people. This Universal grief, heavy and deep within. This holding back of tears. The need for keening. In isolation. In gratitude. This softening. Radical compassion. This expressing love to every single sentiment being on this planet.
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